The Office, Episodes 9.22-23: "A.A.R.M."

I am so mad at you, The Office! You made me spend two seasons watching Andy blow chunks as manager, proving equally intolerable in Michael's old chair both as a well-meaning but spineless (Nard) puppy and as the most selfish prick on the show by a long shot? Two seasons? And now you act like you pretty much knew all along that the show would've been better with Dwight in Andy's place? You had this in your pocket and you waited this long??? I oughta SMACK you!

And then I'll hug you because, in the process, you've at least given me the best episode since Michael fled to I'm-Getting-Off-This-Sinking-Ship Township, CO. Suck it, Livin' the Dream - you've been topped! And like Michael's farewell, it's at its best if you fast forward through the Andy plotline. (At least he's not hanging with Deangelo Vickers this time?)

If I can manage to ignore the, ahem, OBVIOUS weak links, I'm left with a surprisingly sweet, surprisingly funny, and surprisingly relatable examination of Jim's two closest relationships in the office: with his wife, and with his rival whom he has predictably warmed up to over the years. Now, I can't lie and say that the Jim/Pam story starts out on the best foot - it continues the very season nine tradition of having Jim being generally well-meaning only for Pam to run away. Like, literally running away. Like a socially awkward child who can't even stop and appreciate the pure, unadulterated artistry of the noble half-kneel. But OH MY GOD IT GETS BETTER.

In one mighty swoop, this episode managed to make me forget all about how flawed Jim and Pam's season arc really has been. It didn't seem to matter anymore that it took both of them to get stuck in this ridiculous marital pickle and yet Jim is the only one who ultimately has to make a permanent sacrifice. It even distracted me from the uncomfortable subtext of their story arc when put alongside Angela's, that women are simply too weak to manage children alone, without men. None of these things seemed to matter, because I was so caught up in the moment. In its prime, this show's characters were so believable and compelling that I really couldn't hate them no matter how stupid I thought they were being, and that's something that the show has been missing for a long while. But it feels like they've done it again, with the very long-awaited Christmas Party callback. In fact, even if you hate this show and all of these characters and me for even talking about them in the first place, you'd probably see this moment and think, "Eh, yeah, okay, I admit that's kinda cute."

Meanwhile, on the other side of Jim's obligations, he has to tend to Dwight, who is willing to give up bland farm girl ass for Angela and her freak wide-eyed son. Apparently, through the miracle of Contrived Television Nonsense - trademark pending - Phillip actually IS the spawn of Dwight's gross beet seed. (Baby Phillip was perfectly cast in that regard - you can tell he's a li'l Schrute, because he says "beet" in THE CUTEST WAY EVER OH MY GOD!) There was some sort of diaper mix-up in Free Family Portrait Studio, they just decided, not that they can be bothered to actually explain that to anyone. And why is she not getting some sort of child support from the (state) senator? Again, this is an episode that can transcend negative opinions toward this season's storylines as a whole. When this season finally kicked into gear, it really fucking kicked into gear!

I honestly don't think I can imagine a better execution of Jim as Dwight's Assistant to the Regional Manager at this point in the series. This was BEAUTIFUL, and it makes so much fucking sense! Jim's the ideal guy for the job! He can genially shield the office from Dwight's more, erm, Dwighty impulses, while still having some fun in the process. WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THIS SOONER?? This is where the episode achieved what I thought it never could with Michael gone - it felt like an episode straight out of season two, with Dwight's hierarchy mobile, and inane competitions featuring cleverly repurposed office supplies, and.....everything felt so right already, then they top it off Jim reprising his role of That Guy Who Will Actually Take Dwight's Problems Seriously? Now THIS is the tone I've been hoping for all season!!

That's why it's such a shame that we have to interrupt such awesomeness once in awhile while Ed Helms fulfills the rest of his contract. This week, he has caused the show to sink to the level of doing an episode about - *gasp* - a TELEVISION SINGING COMPETITION. Albeit one with physical challenges, and a mole. Needless to say, this sucked. But that's hardly a complaint specific to this episode. Like I mentioned earlier, Andy's plotline brought down the otherwise very good Goodbye Michael. And he's been bringing things down pretty much since he joined the show. I liked everything else here so much that, y'know what? I'm just going to accept the fact that I have a couple of free breaks to get a snack or go pee or pack the bong or just generally turn around and plug my ears and not pay attention to the TV for a minute when I watch this episode on Blu-Ray.

There's also some really dumb stuff with Kevin and the baby, but.....it's a cute frickin' baby, seriously. I can't be too angry about it. (Though, Phillip, if you want me to be less angry, I wouldn't mind some free tunes too. Just sayin'.)