Friday, August 23, 2013

New Whose Line! Episode 8: No Special Guest for the Wicked

Starring Wayne Brady, Keegan-Michael-Key, Colin Mochrie, and Ryan Stiles!
Plus... no, wait. That's it. Cool!


Questionable Wigpressions: It’s Wayne and Colin “vs.” Keegan and Ryan at a family wedding.

TAILSPOSTULATES: What does it say about the show’s budget that they can’t afford boxes of hats for Dating Profiles, but they can afford boxes of wigs to bring back a game that was played all of twice on the old series? I honestly would’ve preferred good old Questions Only! But still, this game did successfully manage to prove that Keegan CAN make Ronald McDonald look twice as creepy, and Colin looks like he’s wearing either a yarmulke or a bald wig in reverse. Wayne is obviously seeking new employment by trying to make the first newscast in the US that comes on at 8 o’clock (seriously, commenters, does the news come on at 8 in your town, ever?) and poor Ryan just doesn’t really seem to care anymore, seeing as how he can be completely entranced by simply seeing an aesthetically pleasing wig! Better call the betting office and give good odds, looks like Ryan really is gonna be the first to go senile!

JESSICAPINIONS: I can’t say I was expecting to see this again! Mostly because, y’know, it rarely has appreciably more personality than regular Questions Only would. Keegan is especially odd at this because he “plays” famous people without even trying to do an impression of them, when everyone knows that only Colin can get away with this. And yes, I thought his Friar Tuck was cute. Wayne was alright too, but Tails already covered the only interesting thing he said. As for Ryan, his British punk rock dartboard mohawk guy starts out with a good old-fashioned silly Ryan accent, but loses around one-tenth of it with each line he says until eventually he’s just regular old bored Ryan Stiles, with a dumb dartboard mohawk. Oh, by the way, was Colin’s “creepy hug” joke in Dating Profiles from the other Keegan taping episode supposed to be a reference to this post-game banter? Or vice-versa? Either way, GREAT JOB, people responsible for editing these episodes!


Scene Seen Sideways: Colin and Keegan are two prisoners working out in their cell while planning a breakout, and Wayne is a tough prison guard who bursts in, suspecting trouble. The styles used include horror and Bollywood.

TAILSPOSTULATES: I honestly wasn’t sure at first glance what Colin was trying to bench press off of, and after watching the game again, I still don’t know. Wow! It almost looks like Keegan is actually doing pull-ups off of that thing on the floor! His arms must be so tired and sore! And Colin must be in remarkably good shape for his age! Can you tell I really hate this game? Whatever happened to the good old days where Wayne did mid-air push-ups off Drew’s desk? Back then you really had to earn those physical gags.

JESSICAPINIONS: It feels like almost every Sideways Scene is about Colin and Fourthy McSeater as criminals of some sort whose plans are mildly foiled by Wayne as a man of the law, doesn’t it? Is it just me? I’ve accepted that Sideways Scene will always feel the same anyway, but they could at least make the token effort to come up with scenarios that feel different, before they dissolve completely! Ah well. Not much to say. The Creepy Blue Stanchion Twins will surely punish Wayne for scuffing up their beloved Magic Mat, as well they should!


What’s in the Womb?: Ryan and Colin are two doctors who have arrived in a remote town where farmer’s wife Wayne is giving birth. The items in the purses include the usual things like bottled water, coin purses, headphones, gum, a tube of mystery cream, and emery boards which have possibly not been urinated on.

TAILSPOSTULATES: I’m warming up a little more to this game now that it’s been played a few more times and they sort of have a handle (get it?) on what they’re doing. However, all three of the scenarios have been medical-related and that’s getting sort of old. If it’s always gonna be that way, why not rename it “Medical Bags” or “Malpractice”? Wayne also seemed to be rather nervous about Ryan’s tiny forceps, and I was too, because back when my mom used to make me wear those they’d constantly pop out of my hands and hit something. I kept waiting for that to happen!

JESSICAPINIONS: Tails is right, every playing of this game revolves around Wayne being in excruciating pain and Ryan and Colin being spectacularly useless. This one is, of course, particularly absurd because farmers birth babies all the time and they don’t need no big-city doctorin’, consarnit! As for the actual content of the scene, well, this game still amuses me but probably won’t for much longer. It’s apparent by this point that there’s rarely more to it than Colin declaring “Look, I’ve got a [object]” and poking Wayne with it, and then Ryan declaring “Look, I’ve got a [different object]” and poking Wayne with it too. I get the feeling that they only included this for the wacky banter about Wayne and the stick o’ pee. Also, there was another “creepy hug” reference. I’m gonna have to pay close attention during the credits so I can thank everyone involved with editing this show BY NAME for their EXTREME COMPETENCY at their jobs.


Scenes from a Pink Hat that Totally Clashes with Aisha's Green Jacket: Wayne and Keegan “square off against” Colin and Ryan, as they act out: “People you don’t want to sit next to on a plane”, “Inappropriate things to say at a funeral”, and “Flavors rejected by ice cream chains”.

TAILSPOSTULATES: This was always my favorite game to see on the old series, since I’m a big fan of rapid-fire improv, but it’s clear that these guys are sort of losing their touch, or still need to find it in Keegan’s case. The network also definitely made a good call by spoiling some of the better responses in the preview because nobody would’ve watched this game otherwise! There were a few jokes that I think only Aisha laughed at (since it’s probably in her contract to laugh like a loon at everything) and the audience was quiet on the ones I actually thought were pretty funny. Better luck next time, guys!

JESSICAPINIONS: Ryan sure seems fascinated with Mitt Romney, doesn’t he? Just think of how funny that might’ve been if this was last year! Ryan does have a point, though - I’d definitely be annoyed if I sat next to someone who spoke to me as if I was Mitt Romney, as would most people who aren’t Mitt Romney. Well, if Mitt Romney isn’t distasteful enough for you, this round also contains jokes about vomit, flatulence, disrespecting and desecrating the recently deceased, primate anuses, and the previous game’s piss sticks. I’d expect this from message board SFAH, but shouldn’t we demand better from our televised hat scenes, people? (Admittedly, I am charmed by the way baboon ass ice cream is served in two big, presumably brightly colored scoops.)


¡MANOS QUE AYUDAN!: Ryan is a Mexican chef who is teaching his oldest son, Keegan, how to prepare food at the family restaurant. Colin provides Ryan’s authentic Mexican hands.

TAILSPOSTULATES: I can assure you that this game had nothing but the utmost respect and cultural sensitivity that it called for! Really! Also, according to Ryan you shake “mariachis”, which I don’t think they like very much. Those taco balls look like they can help you make a John Wayne face in no time at all, though! I share Ryan’s hatred of sour cream, and I’m pretty sure I’d make that face if I ate that much at once too!

JESSICAPINIONS: Helping Hands is one of my favorite games, which is good because, if it wasn’t, I’d probably be getting pretty sick of it by now. Are you getting sick of it? This one’s strictly formula for New Whose Line, after all. Ryan eats some gross shit, pretends to be surprised when he discovers that they put out real alcohol, and doesn’t have a silly accent even though the other guy does. It’s a crime! Also, I’m dubious of any restaurant that makes its taco balls out of burritos! As for Keegan, his inability to even play the straight man without being over-the-top wacky is DULY, DULY, DULY noted.


Almost Dead-its: Wayne and Keegan are two grandfathers bitching about their no-good families, which contain a surprising number of white folks from England.

TAILSPOSTULATES: That sounded more like forty-something flamboyant guys bitching about their roommates and not old men bitching about their families, but I wouldn’t be surprised if nobody else noticed that since you’ve already changed the channel and started watching something else, since you know as well as I do that the episode’s already over!

JESSICAPINIONS: Mykola Pawluk is credited as the editor, but of course it took the incompetence and/or ignorance of MANY others to let this creepy hug fiasco happen, such as executive producers Dan Patterson, Mark Leveson, Jimmy Mulville, Wayne Brady, and Ryan Stiles; director Geraldine Dowd; supervising producers George NeJame and Sarah McHarry; producers Ewan Phillips, Ruth Wallace, Danny Breen, Carrie Havel, and Susan R. Nessanbaum-Goldberg (best name ever?); consulting producer Deena Katz; line producer Jimmy Sprague; post-production consultant Ray Miller; associate director Steven Blum; and associate producers Judith Hay, Juliet Morrish, and Chris Young. To all of you, a hearty fuck you! Better luck next week. (Colin and Aisha, who have no real power, are spared my ire.)


CROWNING TAILSPOSTULATES: I was extremely pleased when I heard that this would be a guest-star free episode...and then I was disappointed again when I found out that the fourth-seater was Keegan. I wouldn’t call him bad, but he hasn’t really found his niche and a lot of his jokes just plain don’t work. We finally got an episode without a forced-in guest star from the network, but it’s also one of the weaker episodes of the new series. And while we got one new game, it wasn’t exactly a game I would’ve preferred to see come back compared to other things I’ve been waiting not-so-patiently for.

CLIMACTIC JESSICAPINIONS: Look, I’m as bothered by the constant presence of celebrity guests as the next guy, girl, etc. But… can you honestly tell me that this felt any different in quality or type of content than the seven special guesty episodes that preceded it? No. No, you can’t, because it’s not true. Keegan is just a 1950s sound effects robot adrift without any sound effects to do, Ryan still sleepwalks through the whole affair until Helping Hands gets him hammered, and so Colin and Wayne alone bear the burden of competency. I don’t mean to sound so negative on this show because I really am enjoying having it back, but I really hope they do something next season to re-energize the proceedings. Like a game involving car batteries and jumper cables. Or maybe something less literal.


NEXT WEEK ON NEW WHOSE LINE: The CW would like you to be aware that this episode contains the most amazing improv game of all time, PROPS! Also, Leila Ali stops by for the typical celebrity guest antics and will possibly be somewhat uncomfortable with the presence of Confederate President Jefferson Davis as a fourth-seater!

4 comments:

  1. I'm seriously bummed out about how the "new" WL is nothing more than the last incarnation. Is it Dan Patterson's or Mark L.'s fault that they took the old formula and shellacked it so thickly no one can work with it? Who knew improve could be so, well, BORING?

    My fantasy hope is that one of these episodes will open with a series of hats or buckets on the desk. One labeled "Scene", another "Location", and two with "Players". All names in both buckets, and if your name is picked out of both buckets, then you get the "booby prize" of having to sing (or some other silly thing).

    I'm worried about Ryan - he's been phoning it in for years. Either he's in a lot of pain that no one knows about, REALLY needs the money, or is trying to work himself into the right mood to hang himself. Pitiful.

    Prognosis? One season... max. And if there's more? I'm probably not going to watch.

    K. (the former crabby monkey)

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    1. I'd assume that if any one person or entity is to blame for the more formulaic aspects of New Whose Line, it's the CW itself. If anything, they have even less of a reputation for smart, thoughtful programming than ABC! :P

      I'm sorry to say, though, that I don't think I remember who you are! Maybe Tails will? Either way, thanks for commenting!

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    2. Jessica murmured,"I'm sorry to say, though, that I don't think I remember who you are!"

      No worries - I wrote quite a bit of WL fanfic late 90's through 2003 on Fanfiction.net, Taylor Jamison's Yahoo group, and livejournal. All my work was done as K, crabby_monkey, or crabbing monkey.

      K.

      Unfortunately, I think the fossilization of WL is definitely attributable to Dan or one of the other BritLine/Whose Line people. Whatever flexibility they had in England steadily oozed away on American TV. I wish I knew why - surely the American viewing public is smarter than programmers think? *sigh* probably not - look at the popularity of the Kardashians...

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  2. .oO(stupid automatic spell correct munged "improv")

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